Oh the books!
Frankly, after three years assisting a homebirth midwife, there’s not much in your average pregnancy book that I haven’t already read. The difference between reading them now and reading them then (more than 10 years ago) is that, well, they’re about me now. That plus I’m really tired and it doesn’t take much for me to cry.
The upshot here is that there are entire chapters of these books that I cannot read. And no, it’s not the parts about complications or impending pains. It’s the “Common Fears of Expecting Moms” sections. Reading lists of other women’s worries makes me feel absolutely miserable, thinking of things I didn’t know I should be worried about. I don’t need the stress of worrying if I’ll be an adequate mother, or if my husband will still want to have sex with me, or if my kid will be born with a defect, or if I’ll get postpartum depression. How could you not be depressed, with all these worries spelled out for you to take on as your own?
I choose instead to focus on the confidence and excitement I feel, on the love that made this baby in the first place, and on the nap and pickles I really want right now.