A cow with cankles

Writer Amanda Hirsch shares the joys of being 29 weeks pregnant.

 

My cankles are out of control. The only shoes that fit are clogs, without socks — which makes me feel super pretty when I’m trying to spruce up for my husband’s birthday dinner at a fancy NYC steakhouse. I’d normally wear a skirt for such an occasion, some pantyhose — today I’m in leggings and clogs. My dress coat doesn’t button over my gigantic bosom. I hope the red lipstick and cute necklace are enough to make me look at least somewhat…what, attractive? More like…part of civilization. I feel wild, feral, trying to pass as an insider when really I’m ill suited to anything other than sweatpants and tshirts — my native garb.

Did I mention my cankles? I can FEEL them, that’s how bad the swelling is. My feet are huge too — even my toes are fat. “It’s all normal,” my doctor reassures me, as is the sciatic pain radiating from my left glute down my thigh…between this pain and the extra 30 pounds of weight concentrated in my boob/belly region, my walk has morphed into a slow waddle. My legs are still skinny as ever, so I feel (look?) like a top-heavy chicken. It’s a miracle when I don’t topple forward.

And heartburn. Did I mention the heartburn?

I’m meeting my husband at a fancy hotel bar before the fancy steakhouse, where I will drink a fancy club soda with lime and not the martini I covet. I will try to key in to that pregnant glow, that goddess vibe, instead of the slinky sexy feeling I’m used to going for at such places. But I don’t feel like a goddess. I feel like a cow.

A cow with cankles.

Not pictured: cankles.

Toy a month: Del’s birthday project

Knitting little projects is infinitely entertaining.

I want to learn to knit toys, so I’ve selected a number of small toy patterns, with the goal of knitting one per month between now and December. In December, I’ll have a set of fabulous soft knitted toys as a birthday present for Del. Don’t tell him! Here are pics of some of the patterns I’ve chosen. See my Pinterest board for links to the patterns themselves.

Mothers are adults

I am so grateful to be able to stay at home with Del every day.

But.

There are days that I feel like I’ve forgotten how to be an adult.

Zach and I used to to trade links to the day’s news stories over IM from our respective offices, and I discussed office issues with my best friend. Zach and I discussed events in our world and community while we fixed dinner at night. I cooked interested and complicated meals. I discussed books, movies and relationships with co-workers. I read blogs on sustainable agriculture and environmental reforms. I discussed politics over drinks with friends.

Now there are days that the most exciting that happened to me was getting a shower long enough to shave my legs, and I make macaroni and cheese for lunch (often!), and 30 Rock is the most intellectually rigorous I get all day. On the upside, I also sing sweet silly songs and respond in complete sentences to happy baby babbles, I make nicknames out of whatever syllable comes out of my mouth first, and I take endless iPhone pictures of the cutest baby on the planet. I think about things like latch, tummy time, bowel movement frequency, how much drool is normal, and when grasping becomes voluntary…

But mothers ARE adults, dammit.

So today I turned on WAMU, our local NPR station, and let it play during my morning routine. I heard meaningful news. I listened to Diane Rhem have a very well-moderated discussion of a controversial proposed law with three passionate and articulate women. I heard a great panel discussion on the book Ethan Frome and part of a show discussing the emerging civilian use of drones and the legal implications of their proliferation. I felt as if I had interacted with adults.  I liked it!

So, add NPR streaming to the list of things that make for good days:

1) Get out for a walk/lunch/coffee/something often.

2) Listen to the news and talk shows with meaningful content. Stay engaged.

 

Addendum:

Now I’m talking to myself too.

I didn’t want to leave the impression that singing silly songs, making up nicknames, replying to baby babbles and pondering the weighty matters of infant life are *not* adult activities. In fact, they’re really, really important, which is one of the reasons Zach and I chose for me to stay at home to take care of Del. They’re so important to him and to us that we wanted to do this particular job ourselves. And I love doing it. This kid is awesome and I dig hanging out with him every day.

I just meant to share that it’s important to maintain that outward-facing part of yourself. I need that part of me to stay functional, to not fall dormant under the weight of the immediate and delightful demands of being a mom. Even Del needs it of me – there is a whole world for him to learn about and if I’ve disengaged from it, I’m not prepared to be a reliable or pleasant guide. Right now all he thinks about are snuggles and meals and why his paci doesn’t stay in his mouth when he stops sucking on it, but one day he’ll wonder about the world beyond himself, and beyond the walls of our home, and beyond the limits of his experience. I want to be part of that world when he enters it. For now, that means at least listening to the news every day while I knit baby toys.

Like father, like son

My guys, asleep, around 5:30 am...

Mobile love

Del’s newest delight is his new mobile!

He is a pretty content guy by nature, and would usually lay calmly in his crib if left there while awake. But I started to feel bad that he would just lay there staring at the ceiling or at the contrast of his daddy’s blue bathrobe hanging on the white closet door. I don’t want him to be bored. So I looked up mobiles on the internet and found one that looked great – the Infant Stim-Mobile – with interchangeable cards covered in high-contrast pictures and designs. You can use the black and white pictures for young babies – which they love. And later you can change to the more complex color images. Plus, since you can change the picture cards out, baby can see different designs. I ordered it from Amazon, hoping he would like it.

Does he ever! He watches the pictures over his bed now with alert interest, cooing and jabbering at them, all smiles. He likes when we tap them to make them sway. I love thinking that his little brain is at work when he is laying in his little bed. I can’t recommend this mobile enough! It makes me happy to know I provided him with something that helps his mind develop, and brings him happiness. This being a parent stuff is pretty rewarding. Here are a few pictures of Del enjoying his mobile.

 

Baby Fashion Show

In this special episode of baby fashion show, Del models his awesome present from graphic designer friend Nikki, and the super cozy new pants handknit by yours truly. Be amazed!

That's a map of the DC Metro system, for my non-local readers.

A close up of Nikki's fun adaptation!

Del's stylin' new wool pants

 

Knit in cushy blue washable merino.

Do these pants make my butt look big?

Gratuitous adorableness. You're welcome.

For the knitters, the details:

Pattern: b20-10 Knitted Pants by Drops Design (free pattern on Ravelry)

Yarn: Merino 5 by Crystal Palace Yarns, superwash, royal blue. This yarn is insanely wonderful to work with – stretchy, cushy, soft. I will knit with this a lot!

Everything is here

New jeans!

A hard decision and sad farewell

Four years ago Zach and I moved into the city. We’d been living in a nice apartment in Alexandria, VA, right outside the District. At the time I was working at a charter school in the Columbia Heights neighborhood, and I really wanted to move into the city. Most of our friends lived in the city, most of what we did as a couple was in the city. Only Zach’s job was in Virginia. We made the move to a smaller, more expensive place and it was a fabulous decision. That first apartment had problems (namely an insane landlord) but when we hunted for a new place we found our haven. Our tenth floor apartment with a huge balcony overlooking Mt. Pleasant and Rock Creek Park, views of the National Cathedral and a half circle line of sight from Silver Spring in the north to Rosslyn in the south (and every city’s fireworks on the Fourth of July). We’re four blocks from the metro, around the corner from easy grocery shopping and other needs, and easy walks to the great neighborhoods we love in our city. I was literally across the street from my job. When I took a new job in Dupont Circle, just a 25 minute walk or a 15 minute bus ride. And our little one-bedroom apartment was lovely. A photo was even featured in Apartment Therapy once – during the fall Home Cure. My living room photo was posted on the main page!

Then Zach got a new, way better job. In Maryland. His 40 minute metro commute to Virginia became an hour-plus drive to Maryland.

Then our little man came along, and the promise of infant locomotion in an apartment already filled to capacity, and prominently featuring many computers all in reach of little hands.

Then came my decision to quit work in order to take care of Del and focus on my photography business.

So this week, with a fair amount of angst, we found a new apartment. The list of pros and cons is a really hard one to sort out. Pros: A ten minute drive from Zach’s office; two bedrooms and two bathrooms, washer/dryer in the apartment, near a bus to the metro line, parks and basic shopping in walking distance, nearly $400 a month saved on rent/parking cost – all of which can go into our house savings fund for a down payment on a home about a year from now. Cons: An hour or more from the friends and activities we love in the city that has been our home for the last four years, very much a “driving” area, very typical suburbia, did I mention it’s an hour from our friends?

We really wanted to never be those people who had a kid and moved to the ‘burbs. But circumstances are such that it’s really the smartest decision for us right now – more for finances than for the kid. In 12-15 months we’ll have another few thousand dollars socked away for a house, and we can look back in DC for our long-term home. I want to raise my son in the city, among the narrow streets, cafes, buses and rowhouses. We love it here and I want him too also. It is a very sad farewell to our balcony and the seasons changing in the trees beneath us, our messy gray bedroom, the fire engine alarms and bus break squeals of 16th Street. And to the friends we could see at a moment’s notice. Not that we’re moving across the country, and it’s not Siberia. It’s just enough distance to seem so close yet so far away.

On getting dressed

On getting dressed.

Awesome. From blogger Anna.

Babies!

Last weekend Del and I went to the reunion brunch of our childbirth class, and got to see everyone all not-pregnant and with their new babies. It was great to welcome all the little people and hear how we’re all doing. I just wanted to post a few pictures from the event! Everyone’s babies were born between the end of October and early December. Del is the youngest in the bunch. Thanks to Bridgette Behling and to Andrew and Rachel Zuraw for sharing their photos as well.

Photos by me

 

photos by Andrew and Rachel Zuraw, bottom photo is Del

 

photos by Andrew and Rachel Zuraw

 

Photos by Bridgette Behling

 

Unfortunately, we had to leave before the "group baby" shot, so Del is not included, but these are his buddies!